If you want to build better relationships, at home and at work, orally and in writing, here are seven key factors you need to work on.

1 Be courteous

I see and hear of people who walk into the office each morning with their eyes down, headphones in their ears. They don’t even glance at others, let alone offer a simple, ‘Good morning!’ Others can be downright abrupt and disrespectful to colleagues and subordinates. It’s no excuse to justify this by complaining of pressures of work. We are all busy! Everyone has a right to work in a cordial environment, and work flows more smoothly when the atmosphere and the people in it are pleasant. Courtesy is the oil that keeps the engine of any relationship running smoothly.

2 Find common interests

How many people in your office do you really know? How many times do you enter the lift with the same person yet never even acknowledge them? Do you walk past co-workers’ desks and never nod your head or say hi? What a sad way to work. If you make an effort to get to know your colleagues and clients, you can then build on commonalities. For example, comment on a photo or an object on a colleague’s desk. You may find you have a story to share, or you may learn something new that you can discuss. Making an effort to gain eye contact, spark up a conversation, smile, even just nod and say ‘hello’ is also a much more enjoyable and rewarding way to spend your day.

3 Build credibility

Very often at work you will have to convince people of your point of view. You need credibility for this. You will gain a certain amount of credibility from your experience. However, if you are to build strong connections – connections that you can count on when you have new ideas and goals – you need to gain respect, create trust and build rapport. You can do this through being credible. Do you turn up for meetings and share your knowledge? Do you keep others informed? Do you do what you said you’d do in a timely manner? Are you honest? Credibility comes with transparency, engagement and honest hard work.

4 Make others feel important

I’m often surprised that some people have a lot of trouble acknowledging good work, or saying a simple ‘thank you’ for a job well done. Feeling unimportant or unappreciated is extremely demotivating. If you are a manager, make an effort to talk to your staff about something other than business from time to time. Ask them about their families, their upcoming holiday, their weekend. Listen to them. Show you are approachable. By doing this you will win their respect, and at the same time you’ll learn more about your staff and will pick up useful information that could help you guide and motivate them.

One of the most fundamental rules of developing relationships is to respect other people’s feelings. We all like to be recognised and appreciated. If you want to make friends and enhance your reputation as a great communicator, learn how to make others feel important.

5 Show humility

There’s nothing worse than someone who brags and boasts about themselves, with their nose in the air and an air of arrogance. These people will have others running away from them rather than wanting to get closer. Humility involves maintaining our pride about who we are and about our achievements, but without arrogance. Humility means having a quiet confidence and being content to let others discover your talents without having to brag about them. Interestingly, very often the higher people rise and the more accomplishments they have, the higher their humility index.

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If I want to improve my relationships, I must practise humility. It’s a strength, not a weakness.

6 Listen actively

Take an interest in other people by listening to them. You may learn some useful information that you can use to create value in the future. Chat to a client about his family. Find out your boss’s likes and dislikes. You never know when this information may be useful. For instance, when I was a secretary I heard the boss’s wife commenting to someone on how she liked a certain perfume, so when it came to
her birthday, and the boss didn’t know what to get her, guess what I suggested? Flatter someone today by getting to know them better through active listening.

7 Be empathic

Empathy is all about getting to know people and understanding how they feel. The need to be understood is one of the highest human needs, but many people don’t care or just don’t make an effort to find out how we really feel. In my Communication workshops, I find people have a lot of difficulty with empathy or expressing real feelings. I think this is a shame. Just imagine the difference you can make if you really get to know people and understand how they feel. It could really set you apart from the rest and you’d start giving great value that many others don’t give.

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Think about one of your best relationships at work. Why does it work so well? Why is it successful? Is it because of one (or more) of these seven factors?

Most people would agree that their satisfaction at work is largely derived from the way they, their colleagues and their clients communicate. As with any other endeavour, the more you put into it, the more you’ll get back. When you start practising these basic success tools for making great connections, you will see the massive rewards they can bring, both personally and professionally.