Over the past six months, what truly unsettled and shook me was not just the growing complexity of knowledge, but the rupture in how I socialize and the shift in how I live.

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I. Redefining Social Life: Who I Am, Where I Am, How I Speak

1. WeChat “expanding contacts” vs. overseas communities

On WeChat, I recorded a large number of reflections related to expanding my contacts. By the end of last year, most of the friends I added were focused on anime and cosplay. This year, I mainly added guys connected to Western music, film, and art & oc circles.

At the same time, I made deliberate efforts to connect with friends on Facebook, Instagram, and X through anime, games, memes, and learning. Facebook, unexpectedly, offered more freedom: interest-based recommendations felt more authentic than age or profession. I spent more time having genuine conversations, meeting rhythm-game experts, Identity V players, a 19-year-old literature enthusiast, and professionals working in the AI industry.

But Facebook “freedom” does not equal “belonging.” The feed is filled with “posts you might like,” while updates from friends are barely visible. Many people share my interests, yet we may remain nothing more than an “algorithmic encounter.” On Instagram, I maintained intermittent conversations with some school students. I envied their daily study vlogs; many of my own notes and reflections were never even written down or organized.

2. Meeting friends offline

At the end of April, I met a well-known figure offline. Through conversation and laughter, my long-held self-definition as an “introvert” began to loosen.

In May, I traveled to Guangdong, met that person again, and got to know new friends. Once more, I realized that people can ignite one another. I began paying attention to urban themes, setting my keywords as Chongqing and New York, along with trends and branding.

By late May, I started helping out at a local clinic. An older sister I had barely contacted for years gradually became a friend during that period of working together.

3. Changing one’s persona does not mean losing authenticity

I remade my attribute chart. I no longer fixated on whether I was a “liberal arts student” or a “science student,” nor on age, gender, or labels. Instead, I framed myself as “someone in transition.”

In conversations, I stopped hiding my struggles, uncertainty, and fear of failure despite wanting to try. I discovered that people who enjoy communication are often very accepting.

I used to fear being seen as a “pure casual gamer,” so I deliberately posted many game screenshots. After April, I barely played games at all. In June, I even removed the chair from my room, returning to a standing-desk setup with a laptop stand, as I had done years ago. I still post plenty of Western internet memes on WeChat Moments, but my daily life now includes more cycling and more workouts using simple equipment at home. I reduced my phone usage from about 15 hours a day to around 5. I can focus on myself again.

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II. Change: Forced to Start, Forced to Continue

1. A winding learning path

I read less than 20% of The Silence of the Lambs before realizing I needed to understand Hannibal’s linguistic nuances—something my current experience couldn’t yet imagine—so I relied heavily on AI for annotations. I finished the second chapter of Jimmy Page’s biography. I read just over 400 pages of Computer Organization and Design, RISC-V Edition – Hennessy & Patterson. After May, I barely touched The Economist; constant news bombardment left me exhausted. Several other books felt unimportant—I skimmed the beginnings and abandoned them.

I stopped going to the gym at the end of March. I reviewed more than half of a Blender video course and then gave up. I bought many new spices that still sit unused at home (though my weight stayed under control).

I originally planned to take the driving test in June, but never even started.

2. Living space, daily life, and order

Whether to move out of my current place became my biggest dilemma in June. Many decisions now are not purely driven by personal preference, but by the inspiration and direction offered by the people I meet.

From late March, my mood gradually declined. In mid-June, I asked AI to help organize some notes and worked to adjust myself. Compared with regulating emotions through psychology alone, I care more about genuine human connection. I am grateful to all the teachers who stayed in regular contact.

Because of exposure to so many new things, I began to suffer from insomnia. I tried listening to music from the past—whether Naruto or Dungeon Fighter, everything felt deeply alien. Only Minecraft still felt familiar. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and worked to bring it under control. I added new playlists, including a Zara store playlist, which I use while reading new books.

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P.S. Books completed in the first half of the year:

• The Texture of Poverty (貧窮的質感)— Wang Bang
• America Against America (美國反對美國)— Wang Huning
• Source Code — Bill Gates (autobiography)
• Twilight —Stephenie Meyer
• The Anxious Generation — Jonathan Haidt
• Dear Girls — Ali Wong (autobiography)
• River Town — Peter Hessler
• The Long Goodbye — Raymond Chandler
• Food and the City: New York’s Professional Chefs, Restaurateurs, Line Cooks, Street Vendors, and Purveyors Talk About What They Do and Why They Do It
• Fashion 101 — an introductory fashion reference
• New Yorkers: A City and Its People in Our Time
• The Economist (three full issues + half an issue)

PS: I’ve been thinking about the second half of the year for a while. I want it to feel lighter—less heavy, more fun.

Over the past year, the new people I’ve learned from haven’t cared about my gender or tried to box me in. I’m genuinely grateful for that. It finally feels like I can be a little unhinged without constantly filtering myself.

When I do get serious, I still want to keep reading. Between being book-smart and street-smart, I’ve always leaned toward book-smart.

I want to keep up with finance and market magazines.
I probably won’t chase a trendy, “cool” look—right now, that kind of style just doesn’t get me much positive response in real-life interactions.
I don’t want a conventional job, but I do want to get much better at using the latest AI tools.
I want my English to improve—really improve. The kind where I actually get Gen Z and Gen Alpha expressions, or can catch the jokes in The Simpsons without missing a beat. I’m also trying to connect more with native English speakers online, but starting casual small talk is still hard.